Along with many other of life’s burning questions that will likely go unanswered, like: Are aliens real? What is the meaning of life? Is Michael Jackson really dead? Why does Tiger Woods suck now?
We now ask; Why does Dana White hate Roy Nelson?
Before we get Dana and Roy on the coach to be psychoanalyzed, let’s go over the facts.
Exhibit A: Where was Roy Nelson in 2001?
As with many deep-seeded rivalries and hateful relationships, this festival of resentment was conceived at an earlier time, many years before it came to manifest itself on the big screen and in the public eye.
Shown above is a picture of a farm, much like the one Roy Nelson would spend the duration of his days and nights grappling with farm animals, honing his jiu-jitsu for larger opponents in the heavyweight division.
It was also during this time that Dana White and the Fertitta brothers were in the process of acquiring the almost-defunct UFC organization. While they were in the midst of performing CPR to resuscitate this dying brand, Roy Nelson was wrestling farm animals on his farm and was in no way instrumental to getting the UFC where it is today.
Dana White has never forgiven Roy for this, and has vowed to exact his vengeance by constantly harping on him for his appearance like a nagging mother would, on reality television.
Exhibit B: Roy Nelson has hair… a lot of hair. Dana doesn’t have any!
To most people this would seem an innocent enough offense. After all, is it not Roy Nelson’s right to grow his own hair obnoxiously long and curly?
As we all know (and has well been documented throughout history), Dana White, being a member of the bald-people-with-shiny-polished-heads-and-slightly-less-than-average-stature community holds fiery resentment and hostility towards anyone with a full head of hair.
In the picture above, one can see beads of resentment pouring down Dana White’s face as he painfully remembers a time when he used to have hair.
Research reveals that this relationship is one that is complex and dynamic and it goes deeper than anyone could have ever imagined.
Exhibit C: Roy Nelson has a mullett
This is an entirely separate issue from having hair, because a mullett is something of an aberration on all counts of the meaning of the word.
Noun: 1. A departure from what is normal, usual, or expected, typically one that is unwelcome.
2. A person whose beliefs or behavior are unusual or unacceptable. 3. Mental irregularity or disorder, especially of a minor or temporary nature; lapse from a sound mental state.)
The reputation of any person or organization associated with a mullett or a person who has a mullett is permanently tarnished and so hath Roy done unto the UFC that which cannot be undone. Perhaps the only possibility for redemption would be for Dana White to sacrifice Roy Nelson, locking him in the cage with a Cain Valasquez or Alistair Overeem.
Exhibit D: Roy Nelson is really a woman?
Now this part of the story gets interesting and does require some explanation.
Dana White has made it clear that he would not have women fighting in his organization under the UFC banner. We all know that this is likely to change in the near future with up-and-coming popular female MMA fighters such as Ronda Rousey.
Here we can see Roy Nelson openly mocking Dana and his hard line against female MMA fighters with his pregnant woman gestures.
Exhibit E: Roy Nelson has a gut, a long untrimmed beard, and literally zero muscle definition.
Roy Nelson looks like a fat, lazy b*stard. No kidding he isn’t on the cover of ANY major magazines or being sought after by any sponsors.
Roy Nelson not only represents the sport in a fat and lazy manner, but also brings virtually no sex appeal to the legions of female fans that are drawn to the sport by a GSP or Alistair Overeem.
Roy Nelson is a complete 180 from anything the UFC is trying to represent.
Exhibit F: Roy Nelson is a relaxed, easygoing, ratings-killer
Maybe it’s the fact that Roy was born with a genetically boring face? Or that his idea of sensational headline news was shaving his beard? Maybe it’s the fact that Roy Nelson doesn’t puff up his chest like a “tough guy” and shout out insults at potential opponents and other uninvolved third parties. Maybe Roy Nelson doesn’t put on a front and just simply does his thing, not trying to be like everyone else or fit into any type of preconceived image of what a fighter should be.
Exhibit G: Dana White is a hater
Nobody can deny what Dana White has done for the sport of MMA. The guy has a bunch of awesome qualities, but one thing that we do know, is that if you get on Dana’s bad side, he’s got a whole fountain of hate to unleash on your soul. He will not just hate everything about you, but he will hate you to your core, until you feel like something inside you has died and you turn to God for help.
Dana White, like all haters, thrives off of these hateful relationships. You see, hate and everything it represents is the lifeblood of haters like Mr. White and he needs Roy as much as Roy needs Dana. It’s all part of the circle of life, and what keeps the universe in balance.
The day Dana White stops hating Roy Nelson will be the day people stop caring and all things right in this world come to an end. Hate on Dana. Hate. On.
Who’s side are you on? Do you think Dana has a legit reason to hate the fat fighter?
Post your comments below